Opinion: The reinvention of football crowds

PUBLISHED: 08:30 31 May 2020

Steve Allen has alternative uses for cardboard cut outs at football grounds.

Steve Allen has alternative uses for cardboard cut outs at football grounds.

Steve Allen

We need our sports back. I have memories from two years ago of watching the World Cup, sipping a crisp lager and enjoying a beer garden. It feels alien now.

They have tried to bring sports back in other countries. In South Korea they used posters of crowd members to fill the seats.

We could do that here in our football stadiums.

OK, the crowd would sit there motionless, showing no excitement or ability to celebrate, but Leyton Orient fans are used to that.

I’m kidding. I’ll say the same thing about West Ham fans later to keep it fair.

In Germany you can pay to have a cardboard cut-out of yourself sitting in a seat, watching the game.

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Whichever company is offering this service, they are wasted on football games. There are times when I’ve been invited to a wedding of a friend of my other half that I didn’t want to go to. I’d pay good money to send a cardboard Steve there instead.

Sending a big photo of yourself is also lockdown compliant. When everyone else is dialling into that meeting via Zoom but you send a full-sized replica of yourself, you’ll get noticed. Hello promotion.

Although, our cardboard cut-outs could have a better time than us. They could sit in beer gardens. They could be in restaurants or be nearer than two metres to anyone without fear of infection.

I don’t like the idea that copies would have a better life than the original humans.

But even if they could go to a pub and watch the footy on the TV, they wouldn’t smile or look like they’re enjoying it.

Especially if they were watching West Ham.

I told you I’d do it.

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