I am fat. I know this because I calculated my body mass index. I then tried to work out ways that I could prove BMI to be an unreliable measure.

The classic case to mention is rugby players. Their BMIs are often in the overweight range but they’re athletes.

I, however, am not an athlete. And if the only sports people I can compare myself to are the ones known for downing pints, it’s a pretty weak argument.

Deep down I know it’s right.

It’s something we might be hearing more, as part of the government’s new plan to get us fitter is to tell GPs to be frank.

Our doctors should tell us, “You’re fat.”

Some people say this is fat-shaming but your GP will only tell you the news and doctor-patient confidentiality prevents them from shouting, “Give way for fatso,” as you leave their office.

You’ll be the only one who knows what they said.

If the doc ever tells me I’m too large, I’ll report back that he said I was in great shape for a rugby player.

As a large chap I can tell you that we fat people are fully aware that we are fat.

You may think you’re bringing some new information to our attention but please remember, we see ourselves fresh out of the shower.

We know what it’s like when we bend down to tie a shoelace and feel our stomach push one of our lungs into our neck.

We were there when we had to undo our belt after winning at an all-you-can-eat buffet lunch. They are a competition, right?

However, I’m sure the government’s scheme will work and make us all thin.

That’s as long as they’re not also telling us to “Eat Out To Help Out” at the same time.