'I am neither #TeamCuthbert nor #TeamColin'

Clyde Caterpillar cake by Asda

Despite other supermarkets producing caterpillar cakes - such as Clyde the Caterpillar from Asda, pictured - M&S has begun legal action against Aldi, arguing that Cuthbert infringes its Colin the Caterpillar trademark - Credit: Adriana Elgueta

I don’t know if you have ever filled in a crime survey. I have recently. Obviously I lied because I didn’t want to make it look like I live in a high-crime area. It might affect property prices.

The truth is, I have been a victim of a crime. A fraud. I bought a Cuthbert the Caterpillar cake from Aldi.

It may seem strange for a grown man with no children to buy a cute anthropomorphised cake but my doctor said I should eat more greens and that’s what Cuthbert’s face is.

This week I read that Marks & Spencer has begun legal action against Aldi, arguing that Cuthbert infringes its Colin the Caterpillar trademark. I’ll never forget where I was when the penny dropped and I realised I’d been conned. I was back in Aldi because I was hungry for cake again.

Steve Allen.

Steve Allen's mood is lifting as lockdown eases - Credit: Steve Allen

M&S is arguing that the similarity of the products leads consumers to believe they are of the same standard. Oh, what a fool I have been. Simply because they are both caterpillar shaped and have a man’s name, I thought they’d be the same standard of cake.

Now I look back there were subtle signs that should have given it away. Like the big sign that said Aldi I walked past. That was a hint that I wasn’t buying an M&S cake. I also remember thinking: “The middle aisle is filled with tools, a scuba diving outfit and a lathe.”

That’s normally a clue that you’re in an Aldi.

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Having done much research, by which I mean having eaten a lot of cake this week, I have decided that I am neither #TeamCuthbert nor #TeamColin. They are all a con. I looked on the ingredients and none of them contain any actual caterpillar.

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