View from a comedian: So glad it’s not me going back to school

Good luck to any children who have gone back to school.

I know the schools have gone back because I have seen buses that say “school bus” on them, and a new phenomenon of some buses that say “no school children” in the window.

It’s the kind of segregation I have always dreamed of. I can get on a bus without fear of meeting a large group of young ones playing Cardi B out of their phones.

It’s daunting enough to start a new school year, so I can only imagine what it must be like for the latest cohort entering the next stage of their education.

I worried about making friends. It must be even harder when you have to wear a face mask. You can’t see if they’re smiling at you, and if you make a friend, how can you recognise them again if you only saw their eyes?

We used to worry about bullies. Right now in school the pupils have to worry about catching a virus.

My father would say: “Stand up for yourself and fight back. Never start a fight but be ready to finish one.” That advice isn’t going to help you fight off a virus. In fact, getting your fists involved in anything will only mean you need more hand sanitiser.

We worried about looking fashionable, but we didn’t have mask fashion to worry about. I have found a very comfortable mask, which my other half tells me looks like a reinforced gusset. If you wear something like that in school you’d never live it down.

Best of luck if you’re at school. Try your best, work hard, oh and be nice to your teacher. They might be the ones guessing your exam grades in the future.