View from a comedian: Very high, really very high and Aaarrgh!

PUBLISHED: 08:30 31 October 2020

Steve Allen's confused over Covid-tiers.

Steve Allen's confused over Covid-tiers.

It’s starting to look like I don’t have common sense. Maybe I am the kind of person who is the reason they put “may contain nuts” on jars of peanut butter.

I’m always shocked by the word “may”. It had better contain nuts or you have just bought some butter.

The reason my common sense is in doubt is because our leaders have said they will rely on the common sense of the British people to enforce the Covid compliance rules.

They have also brought in a new tier system, which I am finding confusing. Am I lacking the common sense to understand them?

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It’s a three-tier system. I’m following so far. What’s the lowest tier? It’s medium.

I thought if something was medium it had to be between a bigger and a smaller thing. If this government were in charge of writing the Goldilocks story the first bear’s bed and porridge would have been good enough. Having the lowest level called medium makes this feel like someone put Costa Coffee in charge.

We’re lucky the levels aren’t medium, large and Venti. Let’s look at the other end of the scale. What’s the highest tier? Is it the one called high? No.

High is the medium one. Of course it is. The highest is called very high.

I presume they did this to scare the living daylights out of us. If you call the lower level “low” people might relax. Then why stop there? Call the bottom level “very high”, the medium one “really very high” and the highest one “Aaarrgh!” That’ll keep us all indoors.

The new rules are meant to be easier to understand but it feels like we’ll have to look up information on a chart before we leave the house. Does that seem like common sense to you?

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